


στοργή (Storge)

by Amaraenta



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: #ChivalryZine, Character Development, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family and stuff, It's not the focus of the story, Other, corriander but just a bit, it's best if you read this after playing rev, tiny itty bitty revelations spoilers, xander suffers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaraenta/pseuds/Amaraenta
Summary: στοργή • (storgḗ) f , first declension1. love, affection; especially of parents and children.Or ten instances in which xander questions what he is fighting for.Piece is a part of the "Chivalry" zine dedicated to Xander.





	

** I **

Prince Xander of Nohr is only seven when he promises his mother in heaven that he’ll be the strongest prince that the kingdom has. He will not let Camilla or Leo be buried like his other siblings or potential step-mothers. He will protect all of them, even if he can’t lift a sword yet (although he doesn’t tell her that he can’t, and he doesn’t mention the scolding that Gunter gave him either).

By the time he’s eleven he can finally maintain eye-contact in conversations with his father (the most intimidating man in Nohr, if he says so himself) and a little bit of pride settles in his nervous, child-like heart. Everyone’s expectations only drive him to practice harder every day. He has to be strong enough for Camilla, wise enough to guide Leo, kind enough to help Elise, and above all else, he had to protect his little ruby-eyed princess from the darkness of his kingdom.

 

** II **

The young prince Xander of Nohr keeps a lot of secrets. He doesn’t tell his siblings that he’s afraid of swimming and loud noises. He doesn’t tell Camilla that she could be stronger than him if she put her all in training and he doesn’t tell Leo that he’s glad he picked magic instead of the sword; he doesn’t tell Elise that he hopes she’ll never lose her happiness and he definitely doesn’t tell Corrin that he adores how joyful she is for the lonely life she has to lead.

This brings them to a picnic on the cold floors of the Northern Fortress. It’s the first time Elise meets her big sister and the first time the five of them are all together. The siblings share stories over tea and sandwiches (even though Gunter and Felicia insist they shouldn’t eat on the floor) and in that moment, Xander wishes that his father and mother could join in this happiness.

Camilla plays dolls with Elise and Leo shows Corrin a new picture book he found; it's sights like these that remind Xander about his promise with his mom. He may be afraid now, but he’ll protect this happiness with all he has.

 The warmth that settles on his hand as his little princess takes his hand in hers reminds him that he has to be a hero worthy of his siblings.

A hero worthy of _her_.

** III **

            The atrocities his father makes him commit as he grows crush any image of respect he had for himself. His fear of disappointing his father cost civilians their lives, his cowardice and lack of strength led his retainers to sacrifice. And in the dark of the night he wonders if he’s trying to be a hero or the Grim Reaper himself.

Even as he follows his father’s commands, he doesn’t understand why justice has to be written with his kingdom’s blood. He crushes his own heart for the sake of the king’s approval. So long as he believed in his father’s words, he could protect what was dearest to him. So long as he prayed to the Gods for forgiveness, his beloved family would be spared for another day.

 

** IV **

            The king orders his own children to wage war on Hoshido and bring glory to Nohr _,_ to him.

The march to the Hoshidan border is quiet, blood-thirst permeating the air. Crown Prince Xander of Nohr understands that this is all for the glory of a kingdom who has been mercilessly harmed by the enemy. This is the time where he puts an end to the suffering that Hoshido brought to him. He’s ready to fight for their heaven with hell.

Corrin’s disappearance only increases his resolve to bring his father grandeur. They didn’t have enough taking his sister Azura when she was only seven; they had to take _his_ little princess too. Even if he knew the truth about her lineage, such purity could not be corrupted by the self-righteousness of Hoshido. It was his duty to bring her back to Nohr, to _him_.

But she doesn’t feel the same way towards him.

He’s relieved when she says she will not side with Hoshido but alas the emotion is short-lived as she refuses to side with Nohr either. A myriad of emotions flash through his face before it settles into anger. He refuses to believe in the madness she speaks about his father’s actions, the king he believes in wouldn’t do such thing. Minutes ago he was set to protect her blood with his, fighting for her sake; but as Siegfried barely grazes her neck he realizes that the only thing he wouldn’t want to do is what he must: spill her blood for the sake of the crown.

** V **

One by one, his siblings disappear from his side.

He notices the dark circles that insomnia has left on Camilla, the restlessness that has settled in Leo and the frown that decors Elise’s face. Corrin’s words echo in their heads, twisting their thoughts and clouding their judgment on what was right or wrong.

Xander has forbidden them from speaking about the traitor (and the words taste bitter on his mouth). The reactions of his siblings are clear, the clenching of fingers, grinding of teeth, visible flinches. He knows they’re hurting because he also feels like he has committed the greatest sin when he placed his duties above his family. Because she had his heart and she cruelly ripped it to pieces and took them with her when she left.

Soon enough his siblings start joining her side and he cruelly remembers the promise he had made. The hero he sought to be was nothing but a farce, in the end, he could not protect his family or kingdom. Their departure was his responsibility and his alone. At some point he’ll have to point Siegfried at them as well, and he desperately hopes that he’ll receive a punishment fitting for such crime. Maybe heroes like him weren’t meant to survive when he walked with the devil on his hand.

Maybe he’ll never be able to atone for sinning against his land or for sinning against his family.

** VI **

They meet in the ravaged town of Nestra.

He fights against her again but he never really learns. Even as she soundly defeats him like she defeats Ryoma, he can’t understand why she’d still forgive him for not siding with her in the first place. She still believes in him, she still begs him to join his cause; but all he does is push her further away. He’s the next one in line for the Nohrian throne; he cannot betray the kingdom he is sworn to even if he desperately wishes to embrace her again.

Xander’s duty is to protect Nohr. Even if it were to fall deeper in despair, he has to bring it back from the dust. He cannot forgive anyone who decides to destroy his kingdom or its people. A king is nothing without his kingdom; that is what his just father had taught him when he was young.

Even as he walks into the throne room and listens to the echoes of his father’s maniacal laughter after the battle in Cyrkensia, he foolishly wishes he’d see the charming king he used to be, before death and war turned him gray. He desperately hopes that Leo isn’t right when he says his father isn’t alright, thinking that it’s just the war taking a toll on him.

How he wishes he had listened to Corrin before.

** VII **

What Garon says about him doesn’t matter to him anymore; he will never be someone that can sound like him. He will not be someone that will look like that man anymore. A ruler cares for his kingdom first and foremost and Garon was no longer that to him.

On the way to the Bottomless Canyon, he finally comprehends that Corrin was not fighting against but for the two kingdoms she wanted to call her home. She, like him, wanted to protect everyone and grant them piece. He was not meant to be the hero and he wishes he had noticed it sooner. Nohr and Hoshido needed more than someone’s strength, they needed her warmth, patience and compassion.

Both families needed her to erase all hatred and put all the pieces together once and for all.

** VIII **

Between arguments and screams, he finally comes undone.

Years of hiding his feelings and growing hatred towards himself finally bring him over the edge when he feels like he hurt her again. So he nestles his head on her collarbones and prays to all the gods, to her; he prays and begs for forgiveness. His hands hold her waist like she’d disappear from his life again and his whole body shakes as if he had stayed in the cold too long.

And he had stayed in the cold. His heart had turned icy and she was the only sunlight he’d get in the darkness of his kingdom, yet he pushed her away when he needed it the most. He threatened to destroy her when he could’ve followed the light from the very beginning.

Her hands twirl with his hair and anchor him back to the shore. He doesn’t need her to speak, so she doesn’t. She brings her gaze to him and peace starts to settle in the cracks of his heart. She didn’t fall for the Crown Prince of Nohr but for the man behind the mask.

When his tears subside, he holds her tight to his chest and he makes a promise to his mother again. Even if it’s the last thing he does, he will protect his family once more, not as a hero but as a brother and spouse.

** IX **

As the Vallite king reaches his final draconic form, he is aware that this could be the last time he’ll draw breath. The army is intimidated by the power and magnitude the beast now possesses; but she still keeps on fighting despite how bleak things look for them, so he fights with her.

He has something to fight for now, after all. He raises his sword for Leo, Camilla and Elise, who had suffered enough due to Anankos’s possession of a mourning Garon. He raises his sword for the sins his father committed against Hoshido, taking away a loving king and queen and kidnapping Corrin, leaving a young Ryoma, Hinoka, Takumi and Sakura suffering. He raises his sword for his two sons, as well as for the children of his companions. He raises his sword for her.

Once and for all, he will stand next to her and end the beast that sowed the hatred in the hearts of Hoshidans and Nohrians. He will atone for all his sins and destroy the God that broke everything they loved so dearly.

He will start again.

** X **

The end of the war marks new lives for everybody.

The royals of Hoshido and Nohr find themselves spending more time together than before, and while sometimes Leo and Takumi’s bickering could be heard all the way to Valla, none of them could ever stop being grateful for Corrin.

Camilla found a new embroidery pupil in Hinoka, Takumi finds someone who might just understand what it’s like to be the little shadow and Elise finds a new best friend in Sakura (Hoshidan legend says that Sakura’s perpetual shyness might have been cured).  Xander finds happiness, the kind that his mother and father shared before the war.

Every day his two sons grow happily in the castle walls. Eight-year old Siegbert is probably even shyer than Princess Sakura while five-year old Kana is set on learning how to fly so he can give his mama a ride; and although their duties as King and Queen keep them busy, the children will more often than not convince them to play hide and seek with them (Xander is always the easiest to find).

Although Xander’s life might have been paved with unsure steps, the love of his family helped him heal and rebuild a kingdom that was long cast in darkness, much like his heart. He defines the origin of love as his family. They are the freedom he fights for, the sun and the light he needs, the oxygen that keeps him going.

He may have been weak, but Camilla helped him stand straight. He might have been insecure, but Leo shows him he’s different. He might have been sad, but Elise always put a smile on him. War might have seemed endless, but the peace that Hoshido offers him makes him believe otherwise. Xander might have taken the wrong road before, but Corrin always made sure to show him the way. She gave him forgiveness, peace and strength to keep fighting.

And until the very end, he will continue to fight for the glory of a new Nohr, one that seeks understanding and forgiveness.

He will persist in his fight for obtaining the Nohr that his mother and father wanted, the Nohr _he_ wants.

**Author's Note:**

> For this piece I wanted to explore Xander's growth as a man who loves his family and his kingdom a bit too much. I wanted to explore his insecurities and convictions and suffering because I hate myself i'M SORRY XANDER.  
> Nerdy tidbit, I picked ten instances for Xander's development because Pythagoras believed ten was a sacred number that meant completeness, which is kinda what Xander obtains in this piece! I did my research.
> 
> Thanks to the Chivalry Zine team for letting me participate and to all the wonderful artists that participated!! Xander deserves all this love.


End file.
